Jersey shore... i hate thee

Another edition of Goose and Meathead:

So this is the Situation….

Alright Jersey Shore, pull a chair up to table; you’re about to have some knowledge dropped on you. I’m going to preface this rant by saying I have never watched the show and never will but more on that later on. Despite not ever watching even a minute of “Jersey Shore” or even seeing a commercial for it I know exactly what it is and that alone is enough to make me angry but people watch it so whatever, it’s a passing fad that for reasons to be mentioned soon I hate but I could deal with it… Until last night. That’s when, while celebrating my birthday my group of friends was trying to decide where to go on Saturday night when a bomb got dropped. Apparently, we can’t go to Lodge Bar (a popular Cincinnati place) because Mike “The Situation” will be making an appearance and it would take like 3 hours to get a drink. Now, it’s bad enough that those no talent ass-clowns (thank you, Michael Bolton) are on T.V. but now they’re inconveniencing my life directly. Goose please proceed to give me your reasons for liking this clusterf%$k of a show so I can crush them…

Looks like we’ve got a situation…Meathead, first I need to correct you on something… this is not a passing fad doll face. My favorite guidos and guidettes just signed for a second season! (PS I am super-juiced right now).

Now, as for why I absolutely adore this show…

-I die for stereotypes… mostly because I am/have been one at some point in my life. Let me tell you what my plans are for this weekend: go to the gym, get my nails done, tan, do laundry. Sound familiar? G(N)TL babe. Have I ever spent an entire Sunday making enough sauce to feed an army while simultaneously teaching my roommates the best way to chop garlic?(try a garlic press) Assolutamente! Stereotype? Check.

-Another thing I can’t look away from? Train wrecks. Also because I have been a train wreck at least once in my life. I think everyone has, but we are just lucky enough to get to see theirs’ every Thursday night.

-Meathead, you’re not going to like this, but my favorite thing about the Jersey Shore is their top priority. Regardless of what anyone says those kids put family above all else, and they include each other in that “family” aspect. In the Italian culture la famiglia is your family, friends, food, life, heritage, traditions. Yes, they went out, got bombed, and fist pumped like champs, but they also sat down to dinner together and showed a loyalty that you don’t see much anymore. There were a lot of fights this season, but most of them were due to one of the cast members standing up for another one. When J Woww tried to sucker punch that puttana for called Snooki fat, instead of condemning her I hoped that she would have landed it so she would have “done justice”.

Just a little FYI for your next response- please remember that I have never watched the show so tone down your references. Stereotypes are fine but these guys are ridiculous. Don't go giving me the whole yeah they're a train wreck but I really watch it because they're so close-knit and stand up for each other. Please. If family was the reason everyone tuned in then Family Matters, Step by Step, and Full House would still be the Friday night ABC line up. They make jackasses of themselves. So what? I have friends who do that too. One ate gum off the bottom of a table and threw up out of a moving vehicle...DRVING TO THE BAR! I had another friend try to steal an amp off of a stage while a band was playing. The same guy walked an hour to a bar IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. But apparently these guys get to be on TV because they dry clean their skin tight clothes every day, wear their hair like Powerman 5000, and give themselves asinine nicknames? And I'm sorry but the fact that they "sat down to dinner" isn't deserved of giving them a show. They may have a soft side but the fact remains that these idiots have absolutely no talent at all and the only reason they're on TV is because they are complete D-bags

Sorry Meathead I can’t help it. Everyone has friends that make jackasses out of themselves, and if they had a show called “College town USA: Cincinnati” you and your friends would probably be on it. Unfortunately, MTV hasn’t made it to the Midwest yet, but if they had people would be saying the same things about you guys. “Look at that hipster kid in the trendy hat!” They aren’t actors, but they don’t have to be. It’s reality TV. All I was trying to say is that people judge them too harshly. They’re kids our age, doing what kids our age do. Get drunk, have fun and look for juiceheads and gorillas. Meathead, you of all people should be able to appreciate their “grenade” analogy.

Their what analogy? My point is just that... ok fine they're like the rest of us to an extent but I don't need the whole world to know my nickname and watch my every move. We do stupid stuff and laugh about it later...to ourselves. Maybe my issue is something much bigger than just this show. Maybe it's my anger with "reality TV". Truthfully I hate all of it. Absolutely zero thought goes into these shows and then they make money purely for being dumb. It just bothers me. So yes the show will stay on, and people like you, and my sister and brother-in-law, and everyone else will call it their "guilty pleasure" but I will never be a part of this trash. Fist pumps or no fist pumps.

See now we got to the bottom of the issue! It’s the genre as a whole, not entirely miei amici at the Jersey Shore.

Grenade by “The Situation”: “Basically, one of these girls was definitely more cuter than the other and it happened to be my girl & Pauly D was with “the grenade.” When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first.”

That's a wingman... I don't need another thing to call it. It's a wingman. Wingmen lower their standards in the event you find someone with possibilities. Ugh- I think this one is an agree to disagree situation.

No, no, no. A wingman is the one that takes the “grenade” the girl is the actual “grenade”. Come on you have to give them that one at least.

For you Goose I will... but only for you. In closing... If I see this "situation" out on Saturday I'm going to punch him if for no other reason than the fact that he's helping slowly kill America with his reality TV garbage.

Uh oh… I take no responsibility for the call out that just happened.