Hello Loves,
My fabulous, smart, handsome boyfriend said something very interesting and vaguely insulting to me the other day. He told me that most of my male friends (and I have mostly male friends) most likely wanted to sleep with me when they first met me. Or as he so eloquently put it "get in my pants." I'd also like to mention that said fabulous, smart, handsome boyfriend has a lot of gal friends. When asked whether he became friends with his gal friends because he wanted to do them, his response was a diplomatic "I'm not walking into that minefield."
As a "mixed-gender friendship" what is your take on this?
xo
Meg
...So I see we're wasting little time walking the extremely thin line between chauvinistic and hilarious. Sadly, I have terrible balance. I have an idea of what Goose will say but as for guys admittedly most relationships of any kind be they significant, friendly, or creepy do start because a guy finds a girl attractive. It sounds mean but a guy isn't going to walk up to a girl at a bar because "I bet she's got a great personality!" However I do have many friends who are girls and they come from a variety of situations.
1.) They're friends of my girlfriend. I've had a few instances dating all the way back to high school where my girlfriend's friends became my friends and to this day I'm friends with them even though I've lost touch with the Ex. (This is a touchy one, but that is for a different time)
2.)Another way would be mine and Goose's situation. She was dating someone who lived near me and so there was never the typical guy "I bet she wants us" moment. Just, hey...she's cool and drinks as much as we do!!! (I think someone is a little scared of the big, bad Bear…)
3.) There's also my current situation where when I came to grad school I knew no one and so a group of us just all went out one day. The complete lack of friends for any of us forced us to become a close knit group quickly and now I consider my female friends down here basically sisters. Very protective of them, zero sexual thoughts. It's actually quite refreshing!
That being said, these situations occur FAR less often than a guy saying, as your boyfriend so eloquently put it, I want to get in her pants.
In addition to the eloquent list of reasons that Meathead gave for “non-sexual” co-ed friendships I think another to add to the list would be the childhood friend. This is the guy/girl you have literally known since you were born. I have a few of them, but one in particular I’ll call Brother (Creative name Goose). His parents and my parents have been best friends since we were kids, he is about three months older than me and we probably met in the hospital about five minutes after I graced this world with my screaming, blue eyed presence. About 3 years ago our families were on vacation together and one of his douchebag friends suggested that he hop in the shower with me. His response “Ew! That’s gross! She’s like my sister.” No truer words have ever been spoken.
BUT I believe these are the exceptions to the rule. Men, unlike women, were not blessed with enough blood to run their brains and…um… other extremities…(You’re talking about our arms right?) at the same time. Call it a double standard, but I think that women are capable of separating friendship from a need to fornicate. It’s Biology Meathead, what’s your take?
It's not that I'm scared of Bear so much as the terrifying things in my head I could imagine happening to me. I've seen The Godfather Goose... I don't want any horse heads in my bed.
Biology... science makes my head hurt. I hate to say it but you are pretty much right. We men tend to work best on one track minds. While I CAN multi-task fairly well, more often than not singular thoughts work best. Perhaps my high school baseball coach said it best. Men are still cavemen. “See ball, hit ball” was his advice. His thoughts on women were men tend to think "see woman... make sex with woman." He was not the classiest of men. Goose, you make a good point about the childhood friend thing but I don't really have any of those who were girls. The closest I can think of is a girl I went to school with from pre-school through high school, but my brother dated her for a little bit so any possible sexual thoughts went right out the door. That ship, as they say... had sailed. Oh and with all this being said, tell you’re boyfriend to grow a pair because if he’s got the gall to say something like that he should AT LEAST be man enough to discuss it with you.
So, I guess our consensus would be that:
Yes, most of your guy friends wanted to get into your pants at some point, so the reverse probably holds true as well (sorry!) UNLESS the relationship falls into one of the exceptions. Sound about right?
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