a year in the life

I wrote this a while ago but I liked it and figured most of you haven't read it so it was worth putting up here. New post coming very soon.


I recently reread an old Rick Reilly article where he discusses what would be his perfect sports year. This inspired me to think about what I would do if I only had one year left to live and money was no longer an object. After thinking about it for a while (roughly 5 minutes) I came up with the 12 things that I would love to do if given the opportunity:

1.)I would purchase DAWGPOUND tickets for a Browns-Steelers game right next to BigDawg just so I could throw beer on Hines Ward. If anyone deserves it, he does.

2.) I would go to Boston and get courtside tickets at the Garden to a Cavs-Celtics game just so I could talk trash to Kevin Garnett.

3.) I would fly down to Charlotte, go to a Bobcats game and find Michael Jordan. I’d only have one question for him before the security guards got to me, “Why did you have to hit “The Shot”?.

4.) I would fly across the pond and attend a West Ham-Milwall match just so I could sing “Forever Blowing Bubbles” with the biggest hooligans on the planet.

5.) I’d go very early to a Cleveland Indians game and while they were taking batting practice I’d find Travis Hafner, hand him a copy of “The Science of Hitting” and then tell him to get confident again.

6.) I’d arrange for my dad to have a high stakes black jack table all to himself so he never had to worry about the people around him playing the wrong way, messing up the shoot, and still managing to win.

7.) I’d make sure my brother got to meet Mark Price. I’d also take him and my father to see a UCLA basketball game so they could both shake John Wooden’s hand. I’d also make sure Bill Walton was never allowed to say, “throw it down big fella” again.

8.)I’d find a way for my mom to give Charlie Nagy a hug.

9.)I’d take batting practice at Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, and Old Yankee Stadium with Vlad, Griffey, and ManRam. I’d ask Vlad to swing out of his shoes one more time, watch The pretty swing in baseball history as Griffey wore his hat backwards, and see how many balls Manny could make leave the stadium.

10.) I’d go the Army/Navy game and thank everyone around me for keeping this country safe.

11.) I’d sit on my couch for 4 days straight just to watch every single basketball game in the 1st two rounds of March Madness so I didn’t miss a minute of the upsets, big shots, and Cinderella stories.

12.) And lastly, I’d hire the crew from True Hollywood Stories to make a documentary about our Turkey Bowl. It’d be titled “The Funniest Game Ever Played” and it’d be the #1 movie in America.

Now THAT is a year worth living

Still all over the place

So I was going to write a blog discussing the Cleveland Browns and how it's a little too early to give up on Mangini and Quinn like everyone on ESPN seems to want to, do but I can't do that because my brother beat me to the punch and did it better then I could've so that's out for this one. After you read this if you haven't read his article already click here and do so. Also, be sure to click "liked it" at the bottom. People helping people. Alright on to some things that irked me this week, and others that excite me.

First up, Lane Kiffin. Where to begin with this unbelievable ass. When he first got to Tennessee he told the media that he was excited about all of the traditions that the program brings, one of them being singing Rocky Top all night long after they beat Florida. Well that would happen in Tennessee if you beat the Gators, but this years game was in the swamp... off to a bad start. Also celebrations come after wins, not loses so now you're two in the hole. Then he watches Florida roll through a couple of cupcakes while losing at home to UCLA and probably thought to himself, "oh crap that's right we haven't mattered since Peyton left and they're way better then us." He proceeded to spend the week before the game telling the media how Florida has the greatest college quarterback of all time, a team full of NFL players, and the best defense of all time. I hope you washed your asses boys, it's about to be kissed by a douche bag. The odds makers apparently listened to Lane and made Florida a 30 point favorite. The best part about that is EVERYONE was happy to give those points. No questions asked, this game was going to be a blow out.

Then something strange happened. The game was played and it was a hard fought battle (ish) with Florida winning by 10 points. A day later Urban Meyer said that his team was riddled with the flu and they felt no need to push the issue, instead being content with a solid victory over coach pompous ass and his Volunteers (I added that last part). Lane hears this and says (actual quote here) "I guess we'll wait and after we're not excited about a performance, we'll tell you everybody was sick." Really Lane? You're going to trash talk about ONLY losing by ten? Unbelievable. This man should not be allowed to hold another press conference until he's announcing his resignation as head coach of Tennessee and that he'll be joining Tucker Carlson in Fox's new reality show "Race to Become the World's Biggest Douche".

Oh and to top it all off he permanently has the "someone farted in the car face."

This last weekend I was lucky to have visitors down here in the natty. Alex, my sister Heather and Brother-in-law Matt came down to hang out. We had a lot of fun and a packed weekend but the thing that stood out most to me was the couple hours spent at Cincinnati's Oktoberfest. Apparently it's the biggest one outside of Germany. German food, music, beer and drunk people? We're there! After a crammed cab ride with the world's scariest cabbie we get out and proceed to one of the many beer lines. We chose the wrong one. After 20 minutes of waiting we emerge with our 11 dollar beers. Yes, you read that right. 11 dollars for a plastic mug of Oktoberfest beer. Why so expensive? Glad you asked. The reason it was the same price as a CASE of Natty Light is because it comes in a "collector's cup" with a special edition coozy. It makes me irate that festivals can charge so much money for beer just because it happens once a year and they stuff people in like sardines. I understand that as long as people continue to pay it's going to stay the same, just like at professional sporting events and concerts. At least at those places, though, they basically say, "Yes, it's expensive, deal with it." Not here. It's because of the collector's cup. WHO IS COLLECTING THESE THINGS!?!? Are there really people out there that go around collecting plastic festival mugs? Is the set complete when you have one from each season? Are there collectors somewhere willing to pay top dollar for rare festivals? Do these people proudly display their cups like some white trash art museum? "See that one there? Took me 6 years to find. Avon Duct Tape Festival. It's my Mona Lisa." This is ridiculous. At least I got to drink out of my one of a kind engraved glass boot. Good looking out myrch.

On a lighter note, last night I was flipping through channels after watching Pierre Garcon (pride of Mount Union) break Dolphin's fans hearts and I came across Smokin Aces on USA. Despite the fact that I own the movie and have seen it probably ten times I still watched almost the entire thing. During commercials I flipped to On the Waterfront on TMC and then something about the Bible on the History Channel. This got me thinking about how there are some movies that even though you've seen them dozens of times you'll still stop on them any time you're channel surfing. Bill Simmons talks about this often and always uses Shawshank as his example. The difference here is that Shawshank is a great movie. As is On the Waterfront. Smokin Aces, not so much. Yet I watched nearly all of it. My next blog I'm going to compile a list of things that you'll always stop and watch at least part of while flipping through. The list will undoubtedly include Planet Earth and anything on The History Channel. If there's anything you can't help but watching let me know, I'm very interested in this.

Jeff Hoover (see prior blog) is coming down this weekend. Friday is Arthur Guinness Day. I call this the perfect storm. Car bombs a plenty, and no chance he makes his 8 am flight on Sunday morning. I'll re-cap next week. God speed to anyone who happens to be out this weekend and in his path.

sorry Alex...this is bound to happen a lot this weekend.

That's all for now... To Arthur!!!!!

little bit of this...

and some of that. I don't really have one specific topic to talk about for a while so I'm going the hodge podge route today. I apolgize in advance.

-I saw two older women at the gym the other day riding the excersize bike. Good for them. The part I couldn't figure out is they were watching a video of other people riding bikes. It's possible that it was a video spin class and if so I'm confused. I understand having an aerobics trainer in front of a class giving instruction b/c the moves change and the excersizes vary so having someone keep you on track is a good thing. Why do you need someone yelling at you while riding a bike? Want to work a little harder for the next minute? Pedal faster. Problem solved. Most excersize bikes even have different programs which make you go harder at certain points thus rendering the on bike instructor obsolete and yet people still pay for spin classes. I don't get how someone can possibly deserve a pay check for riding a bike with a head set on yelling UP!!!! every thirty seconds.

- A quick thought for Coach Mangini: It doesn't matter how long you keep your quarterback a secret if your defense can't stop Adrian Peterson from punching holes into your defensive back's chests. Maybe instead of teaching all the players how to dodge media questions you could work on some tackling drills. All Day is an absolute freak. Compare his numbers to Jim Brown's... It's scary close. My brother made a good point about Brady as well... I thought he played decently and didn't really make any dumb mistakes but if our defense is going to allow running back's to run further then Steve Prefontaine then I don't like our chances. That being said, It's A.P. so they get a week pass. We'll address this again soon.

Lord of the Mustache! --->

Sticking with football... I was in Columbus last weekend for the heartbreak at the shoe and I've got some thoughts on the game. First off, prior to kick off (no pun intended) the mood around was somber at best. Everyone just hoping for a close game, but expecting a blow out. What we got was a well fought, defensive struggle and an OSU lead late in the game. That being said, when USC got their first of many first downs on their game winning drive it was a feeling that I've never had before. DESPITE USC being still 75 yards away from the winning touchdown, an entire city's proverbial wind went out of the sails. DESPITE it being an 18 year old true freshman leading the drive, every member of buckeye nation knew what was coming. It was inevitable, and yet unstoppable. Like watching the Lion King and hoping Mufasa is going to avoid the stampede, but we all know better. Within minutes the Bucks had failed to tackle Joe McKnight numerous times and the Trojans had officially torn out our hearts, again. The strangest part of the entire situation, though, was that not only did everyone see it coming, but we expected it. Something needs to change in C-bus because Tressel is sitting on a fence right now. Either the Bucks start winning a big game or two and remain important on the national scene, or we fall back into obscurity where fall is fun, but doesn't really matter and OSU becomes nothing more then what the Browns are... a reason to drink on the weekends.

(Heartbreaking, but expected)--->

-I played sand volleyball yesterday with some new found friends of mine (insert "Adam has friends?" jokes here) and I am now officially impressed by the athletes who do this professionally. I always was aware that they were very talented and in amazing shape (see any one of them in bikini photos) but after playing for all of an hour I was completely dead. The amount of energy they must put forth every single day is absolutely mind blowing. I am now putting them up into the top athlete group comprised of swimmers, tennis players, and soccer players. The direct opposite of this being baseball players and NFL linemen. Don't believe me? Scroll down and look at the picture of Bob Wickman, a real life closer in the MLB once upon a time. Anyway, you may be thinking, "I play backyard volleyball all the time, it can't be that different." I thought that too. I was wrong. Give it a try. It's a great work out and a lot of fun. Attempting to get the sand off your body is a bit less enjoyable though. You've been warned.

Lastly, If I ever see this kid on the street, I'm turning and walking the other direction. His name is Bam Bam and he's 6 now I believe. Ridiculous.

That's all for now, I'll try to get something else up by the end of the week. Oh, and Fifa 10 demo comes out tomorrow. It's a big day. Also Arthur Guinness day is September 24th. Start preparing now!!!

Bill Simmons writes the most entertaining articles on the Internet. Let me start by saying that. For those of you who don’t know who he is Simmons writes on ESPN.com once or twice a week. He writes for a sports website and rarely talks about actual sports unless it’s the Red Sox or Celtics. He spends most of his time discussing fantasy sports, Shawshank and other movies, and responding to mailbag questions. He has developed a devout following and seemingly has about the best life ever. I am jealous… That being said I have a bone to pick with him the size of a femur. His most recent two-part article was about his latest 2 night Vegas trip (… I’m excited to read this!!!... ) to do a fantasy football draft. (oh…) That isn’t my issue though. The article was entertaining, and his group of guys does what they should do; Drink, gamble, and drink. My problem with him is the times they check out for the evenings. First night: 1 am. What!?!? Are you kidding me? During my brother’s bachelor party trip we started drinking at 3 pm EASTERN TIME and didn’t stop until 4:30 am VEGAS time. We were then on the golf course drinking by 9 am. A.M!! They didn’t even leave the room until 9:45… come on Bill. I don’ care if you are 40. My father has you by 20 years and hung with us every single night.

Their second night is a little better, 3:30 am… but still. You don’t lay the ground work for a great night only to check out before the sun comes up. That’s like watching Almost Famous and turning it off BEFORE they sing Tiny Dancer. Ok it’s not like that at all but you get the point. He calls his 2 night trip great because they won money on a slot machine and did a fantasy draft. Ours included: Being awake til the sun rose every night, a private ESPN zone room for the Cavs playoff run, meeting the Miss USA Contestants, having South Africans on the strip know who we were by our shirts, and me discovering that filthy martini’s + 10 shots of espresso= cocaine. 3 nights, probably 9 hours of sleep, 4 days of debauchery and pictures to prove it. I don’t care how often you’ve been there Bill… you don’t know how to party like us Sockel boys… now onto what I really want to discuss… Accents

Last week during one of my classes I had a girl introduce herself to me. Her name isn't important and I don't remember it anyway but I asked how her day was going and she said fine. Then she responded in kind, "and how y'all doin?". I turned around to see if other people were behind me. Nope. I look again... nothing. "Y'all?" I asked. "Who else are you talking to?" Her response? "No one else! Just y'all!". My head hurts. I asked her where she was from expecting to here Georgia, or Tennessee, or Alabama but her answer was Cincinnati, born and raised.

This had to be a mistake so I asked her where her family was from and where she acquired her accent. She told me everyone in her family is from Ohiah (Ohio in stupid accent talk) and I about lost my mind. She told me everyone talks like this in the south. THE SOUTH!?!? We are in OHIO. One state away from the CANADIAN BORDER! Someone wake me up from this nightmare.

I've been down here for almost a month now and honestly not much is different from around Cleveland. Temperate climate and big ass squirrels. Really the only noticeable difference is that 90% of the fast food restaurants are chili places, which creeps me out. Everything is pretty much identical except that these people seem to prefer to whistle Dixie.

Can you find Ohio? Good job! Now find the south. Two different places right? The people of Cincinnati don't seem to grasp this concept

I don't get it. I drove four hours south when I moved here and it's like a whole new culture disguising itself with a similar look to the rest of Ohio. To top it all off this same girl told me I had a funny accent! Are you kidding me? The Yanks won, the rebels lost. Stop trying to be like them.

I understand that the people of Pennsylvania will have a different way of speaking then Ohioans as well as actual southerners and Californians have different lexicons as well. It's like this all over the world but for a single cities worth of people from Ohio to speak like they grew up in the Dukes of Hazzard is ridiculous. All I know is if I ever start saying y'all someone smack me in the face...and if I ever start eating Skyline chili for that matter.

an evening at the pub...part 2

Time for the stunning conclusion to the list of guys I'd most like to drink with. Again, the rules being they have to be well know, real people, and alive. Therefore while I would love to drink with Wooderson from Dazed and Confused, Matthew McConaughey is a d-bag, so he's out. alright here we go:

John Kruck PBR He formerly of the fantastic mullet. Every sport has that commentator/announcer that just seems like a very real person. What you see is what you get. No smoke and mirrors with them. (the exact opposite would be Joe Buck) The man knows baseball, he ate hot dogs during an award show AND was a lifetime .300 hitter. Speaking of the man in every sport I'd most like to drink with...

John Madden Really bad Whiskey He's annoying, dumbs down football so everyone understands it ("If he throws the ball, and the other one catches it in the end zone...boom that's gonna be a touchdown") but he was probably the best announcer in football. Also, every Thanksgiving he eats a Turducken. "Here's a guy when he puts his contacts in he can see better!" Keeping with sports here...

Bob Wickman Milwakee's best For those of you who don't know Wick he was the Indian's closer for a few years. He weighed probably 400 pounds and threw all of 82 miles an hour. Among our college friends an aura was created around him because he seemed to gain wait every game. The running joke was to figure out what he ate before every outing. Sort of like a Bill Brasky thing... "Wickman ate 3 chipotle burrito's and then blew another save" which progressed to "Wickman ate 9 human babies before giving up a bomb to Thome."

The Pope Really good red wine No alter boy jokes here. Honestly I've always wanted to meet the Pope and just talk to him for a while. The entire church believes he's infallible and I wonder if that gets to his head. I always picture him in a constant state of prayer wearing uber-expensive clothes and a funny hat. I just really would love to hear his thoughts on everything going on in the world. Plus I bet he knows some hilarious Jew jokes. On world figures...

Barack Obama Budweiser This isn't political or anything, the President just seems like a very down to Earth guy. I'd love to talk sports with him and ask what other world leaders are total dick heads. I can imagine him being like "Sarkozy is absolutely full of himself, and he never showers, which is weird. I really do hate France, but don't tell any one."

Lewis Black and Jon Stewart Tanqueray and tonic Jon Stewart is honestly the best newscaster in America, and he delivers the news on COMEDY CENTRAL. He gets the best guests, is actually well respected and doesn't take himself too seriously. Lewis Black became really well known for his Back in Black segment on The Daily Show. I figure best chance of drinking with them would be to get em together. I would love to here them yelling about the economy and how stupid Fox News is. Also I would be hoping for Black's creepy finger pointing thing.

Lil Wayne Robitussin I kid, but his love for cough syrup is well documented. As strange as he is, it can't be denied that Lil Wayne is a fantastic artist. Also he has a blog on ESPN.com which is very cool. If you listen to him talk for 30 seconds you just want to hear him talk forever. (see Delonte West) He writes songs faster then you can learn the lyrics to them and he just seems like he'd be hilarious to talk to. I'd probably say this is the least likely of any on this list to happen though. One more athlete, sort of...

John Daily John Daily's (Arnold Palmer's plus Vodka) You can't have a drinking list without the greatest drinker alive being on it. He wears fantastic pants, gets arrested drunk outside of Hooter's restaurants and can drive a ball further then you can drive your car. I don't know how this night would start but I know how it would end. Me, passed out naked on the 7th hole of a public golf course.

Alan Rickman Dirty Martini's I don't have a real reason for this other than he's one of my favorite actors. He was amazing in Robin Hood, creepy in Sweeney Todd, and oddly fatherly in Perfume. Not to mention everyone on the planet knows him as Snape in Harry Potter. Every movie he does I love and he continues to be in projects that are sure to be unbelievably mind blowing (see Alice in Wonderland).

John Malkovich Russian Vodka For the same reason for Alan Rickman, I just love John Malkovich. His range of characters is unbelievable. The first day I ever saw him in a movie I watched Of Mice and Men and Rounders. I watched him play Lennie Small and Teddy KGB in the same day. I was sold from then on. He has even made a movie about being inside his own head! I mean come on! Vant a cookie?

Dave Attell Jagermeister If you've ever watched a Dave Attell special you'll know why he's on this list. Every story he tells involves being incredibly drunk. He even had a comedy central late night show completely centered around his drinking! I also happen to think that he's one of the most underrated comedians around. But hey... that's just my opinion. last but not least...

Jeff Hoover Case of Natty, 6 dollar bottle of champagne, Bottle of Jameson, a round of Irish Car Bombs, and a 200 dollar tab at the bar Ok, so he's not famous, and by all liver standards he should be dead by now but for those of you who don't know Jeff... you should. Tucker Max thinks he has questionable morals. Jeff was my roommate for 3 ish years in college and to put it simply, deserves a medal for his drinking ability. The man took a year off to do nothing but drink. He woke up naked on the couch covered in Cheese Its and his public inappropriateness is legendary. I'd tell you that I look forward to drinking with him for years to come but I've got to believe his liver only has a few good years left. rest assured, he'll continue to push it anyway. God bless you Jeff Hoover.

So there it is. My list. Sure I may have left someone out and if I did feel free to let me know. Hope you enjoyed it. Time for a drink. Nastrovia, Lakim, Slainte!