Jersey shore... i hate thee

Another edition of Goose and Meathead:

So this is the Situation….

Alright Jersey Shore, pull a chair up to table; you’re about to have some knowledge dropped on you. I’m going to preface this rant by saying I have never watched the show and never will but more on that later on. Despite not ever watching even a minute of “Jersey Shore” or even seeing a commercial for it I know exactly what it is and that alone is enough to make me angry but people watch it so whatever, it’s a passing fad that for reasons to be mentioned soon I hate but I could deal with it… Until last night. That’s when, while celebrating my birthday my group of friends was trying to decide where to go on Saturday night when a bomb got dropped. Apparently, we can’t go to Lodge Bar (a popular Cincinnati place) because Mike “The Situation” will be making an appearance and it would take like 3 hours to get a drink. Now, it’s bad enough that those no talent ass-clowns (thank you, Michael Bolton) are on T.V. but now they’re inconveniencing my life directly. Goose please proceed to give me your reasons for liking this clusterf%$k of a show so I can crush them…

Looks like we’ve got a situation…Meathead, first I need to correct you on something… this is not a passing fad doll face. My favorite guidos and guidettes just signed for a second season! (PS I am super-juiced right now).

Now, as for why I absolutely adore this show…

-I die for stereotypes… mostly because I am/have been one at some point in my life. Let me tell you what my plans are for this weekend: go to the gym, get my nails done, tan, do laundry. Sound familiar? G(N)TL babe. Have I ever spent an entire Sunday making enough sauce to feed an army while simultaneously teaching my roommates the best way to chop garlic?(try a garlic press) Assolutamente! Stereotype? Check.

-Another thing I can’t look away from? Train wrecks. Also because I have been a train wreck at least once in my life. I think everyone has, but we are just lucky enough to get to see theirs’ every Thursday night.

-Meathead, you’re not going to like this, but my favorite thing about the Jersey Shore is their top priority. Regardless of what anyone says those kids put family above all else, and they include each other in that “family” aspect. In the Italian culture la famiglia is your family, friends, food, life, heritage, traditions. Yes, they went out, got bombed, and fist pumped like champs, but they also sat down to dinner together and showed a loyalty that you don’t see much anymore. There were a lot of fights this season, but most of them were due to one of the cast members standing up for another one. When J Woww tried to sucker punch that puttana for called Snooki fat, instead of condemning her I hoped that she would have landed it so she would have “done justice”.

Just a little FYI for your next response- please remember that I have never watched the show so tone down your references. Stereotypes are fine but these guys are ridiculous. Don't go giving me the whole yeah they're a train wreck but I really watch it because they're so close-knit and stand up for each other. Please. If family was the reason everyone tuned in then Family Matters, Step by Step, and Full House would still be the Friday night ABC line up. They make jackasses of themselves. So what? I have friends who do that too. One ate gum off the bottom of a table and threw up out of a moving vehicle...DRVING TO THE BAR! I had another friend try to steal an amp off of a stage while a band was playing. The same guy walked an hour to a bar IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. But apparently these guys get to be on TV because they dry clean their skin tight clothes every day, wear their hair like Powerman 5000, and give themselves asinine nicknames? And I'm sorry but the fact that they "sat down to dinner" isn't deserved of giving them a show. They may have a soft side but the fact remains that these idiots have absolutely no talent at all and the only reason they're on TV is because they are complete D-bags

Sorry Meathead I can’t help it. Everyone has friends that make jackasses out of themselves, and if they had a show called “College town USA: Cincinnati” you and your friends would probably be on it. Unfortunately, MTV hasn’t made it to the Midwest yet, but if they had people would be saying the same things about you guys. “Look at that hipster kid in the trendy hat!” They aren’t actors, but they don’t have to be. It’s reality TV. All I was trying to say is that people judge them too harshly. They’re kids our age, doing what kids our age do. Get drunk, have fun and look for juiceheads and gorillas. Meathead, you of all people should be able to appreciate their “grenade” analogy.

Their what analogy? My point is just that... ok fine they're like the rest of us to an extent but I don't need the whole world to know my nickname and watch my every move. We do stupid stuff and laugh about it later...to ourselves. Maybe my issue is something much bigger than just this show. Maybe it's my anger with "reality TV". Truthfully I hate all of it. Absolutely zero thought goes into these shows and then they make money purely for being dumb. It just bothers me. So yes the show will stay on, and people like you, and my sister and brother-in-law, and everyone else will call it their "guilty pleasure" but I will never be a part of this trash. Fist pumps or no fist pumps.

See now we got to the bottom of the issue! It’s the genre as a whole, not entirely miei amici at the Jersey Shore.

Grenade by “The Situation”: “Basically, one of these girls was definitely more cuter than the other and it happened to be my girl & Pauly D was with “the grenade.” When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first.”

That's a wingman... I don't need another thing to call it. It's a wingman. Wingmen lower their standards in the event you find someone with possibilities. Ugh- I think this one is an agree to disagree situation.

No, no, no. A wingman is the one that takes the “grenade” the girl is the actual “grenade”. Come on you have to give them that one at least.

For you Goose I will... but only for you. In closing... If I see this "situation" out on Saturday I'm going to punch him if for no other reason than the fact that he's helping slowly kill America with his reality TV garbage.

Uh oh… I take no responsibility for the call out that just happened.

they don't make songs about turning 24

On this day, 24 years ago I was born and the Bears won the Super Bowl. Since that time I’ve celebrated in many different ways. When I was younger, parties were a must. Young children always seem to have birthday parties and what with my love for attention, being at the center of it was great. These parties ranged from at our house, to McDonald’s, to Fun Times. Those were very enjoyable parties but as I got older it was more about a select few friends as opposed to having tons of family give me things. Family parties were replaced with WWF “Royal Rumble” watch parties which were also fun. Turning 19 was celebrated as any Sockel birthday should be, at a Casino. The best parties obviously occur in college. I was lucky enough to have our baseball team “Rookie Night” on my birthday, where I was drunker then anyone there, and I even had a good friend throw her birthday party ON my birthday (Yes Molly, I’m talking about you.) My senior year, the younger baseball players threw a party in my honor and it was almost like being a toddler again. Hundreds of people attended to celebrate with me, many of whom I didn’t know. Just like being a baby… except with copious amount of alcohol.

That night, as I turned 22, I jokingly told my roommates that it was all down hill from there. Sure I still celebrate my birthday but in a much different fashion. In college, birthdays were considered events. Days to be celebrated for 24 hours at MINIMUM. Most celebrations lasted an entire weekend if not longer. These days? Well let’s just say I’ve already been to the gym today and I’m writing this from my internship where I’ll be until 5. After that I’ll be headed to my night class until around 9. Sure, my friends and I will go out for a drink afterwards but there isn’t any large soirée to be had. In fact, last night when the clock struck midnight I was sitting alone, playing FIFA with some old friends and imbibing on a White Russian in the dark. Hardly an event for the ages.

I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party, so please don’t take it that way. I just find it interesting how the way we embrace this day of birth changes so drastically. When we’re younger we couldn’t wait until our birthday. We have countdowns and remind everyone we see. Now? If it weren’t for my phone buzzing every 5 minutes with a message from a well-wisher I probably wouldn’t even really remember. Perhaps it’s that 24 seems rather insignificant. Not quite 25, but no longer 21; a sort of limbo waiting for a bigger occasion to come along. So this change is much like the one involving Christmas morning. As a child we can hardly sleep, as an adult, well it’s a bit different. We still tend to be filled with a happiness and excitement, but it doesn’t keep us up at night. One thing I do always do on my birthday is reflect. It’s one of those times in the year where I really stop and look around. It gives me a chance to realize how lucky I am. So if you’re reading this and have wished me happy birthday, from the bottom of my heart, thank you and if you haven’t said anything to me, thank you as well because at least you’re reading this. I feel blessed and could not have gotten where I am today without all of you.

Na’zdravie… cheers, to me!

(Hey, after all it is my birthday!)

He said/ she said... men can't say (or spell) platonic

Hello Loves,

My fabulous, smart, handsome boyfriend said something very interesting and vaguely insulting to me the other day. He told me that most of my male friends (and I have mostly male friends) most likely wanted to sleep with me when they first met me. Or as he so eloquently put it "get in my pants." I'd also like to mention that said fabulous, smart, handsome boyfriend has a lot of gal friends. When asked whether he became friends with his gal friends because he wanted to do them, his response was a diplomatic "I'm not walking into that minefield."

As a "mixed-gender friendship" what is your take on this?

xo

Meg

...So I see we're wasting little time walking the extremely thin line between chauvinistic and hilarious. Sadly, I have terrible balance. I have an idea of what Goose will say but as for guys admittedly most relationships of any kind be they significant, friendly, or creepy do start because a guy finds a girl attractive. It sounds mean but a guy isn't going to walk up to a girl at a bar because "I bet she's got a great personality!" However I do have many friends who are girls and they come from a variety of situations.

1.) They're friends of my girlfriend. I've had a few instances dating all the way back to high school where my girlfriend's friends became my friends and to this day I'm friends with them even though I've lost touch with the Ex. (This is a touchy one, but that is for a different time)

2.)Another way would be mine and Goose's situation. She was dating someone who lived near me and so there was never the typical guy "I bet she wants us" moment. Just, hey...she's cool and drinks as much as we do!!! (I think someone is a little scared of the big, bad Bear…)

3.) There's also my current situation where when I came to grad school I knew no one and so a group of us just all went out one day. The complete lack of friends for any of us forced us to become a close knit group quickly and now I consider my female friends down here basically sisters. Very protective of them, zero sexual thoughts. It's actually quite refreshing!

That being said, these situations occur FAR less often than a guy saying, as your boyfriend so eloquently put it, I want to get in her pants.

In addition to the eloquent list of reasons that Meathead gave for “non-sexual” co-ed friendships I think another to add to the list would be the childhood friend. This is the guy/girl you have literally known since you were born. I have a few of them, but one in particular I’ll call Brother (Creative name Goose). His parents and my parents have been best friends since we were kids, he is about three months older than me and we probably met in the hospital about five minutes after I graced this world with my screaming, blue eyed presence. About 3 years ago our families were on vacation together and one of his douchebag friends suggested that he hop in the shower with me. His response “Ew! That’s gross! She’s like my sister.” No truer words have ever been spoken.

BUT I believe these are the exceptions to the rule. Men, unlike women, were not blessed with enough blood to run their brains and…um… other extremities…(You’re talking about our arms right?) at the same time. Call it a double standard, but I think that women are capable of separating friendship from a need to fornicate. It’s Biology Meathead, what’s your take?

It's not that I'm scared of Bear so much as the terrifying things in my head I could imagine happening to me. I've seen The Godfather Goose... I don't want any horse heads in my bed.

Biology... science makes my head hurt. I hate to say it but you are pretty much right. We men tend to work best on one track minds. While I CAN multi-task fairly well, more often than not singular thoughts work best. Perhaps my high school baseball coach said it best. Men are still cavemen. “See ball, hit ball” was his advice. His thoughts on women were men tend to think "see woman... make sex with woman." He was not the classiest of men. Goose, you make a good point about the childhood friend thing but I don't really have any of those who were girls. The closest I can think of is a girl I went to school with from pre-school through high school, but my brother dated her for a little bit so any possible sexual thoughts went right out the door. That ship, as they say... had sailed. Oh and with all this being said, tell you’re boyfriend to grow a pair because if he’s got the gall to say something like that he should AT LEAST be man enough to discuss it with you.

So, I guess our consensus would be that:

Yes, most of your guy friends wanted to get into your pants at some point, so the reverse probably holds true as well (sorry!) UNLESS the relationship falls into one of the exceptions. Sound about right?

Oh and with all this being said, tell you’re boyfriend to grow a pair because if he’s got the gall to say something like that he should AT LEAST be man enough to discuss it with you…

Goose and Meathead: He said, She said

So, I have been super excited about writing this post for the last few weeks, and here it is (finally). This is my (our) first attempt at "co-blogging". I'll let Meathead handle the introductions, and then we can go from there (myself in pink and Meathead in blue).

I first met Goose (that would be me... for obvious reasons) our freshmen year in college. She was dating the 9 foot tall kid who lived next door (Ugh, you had to go there Meathead) and would off come hang out with my black roommate and me because we were much, much cooler. Well he was, I was just his half Jewish roommate, but combined we were the most amount of minority in a single room John Carroll had ever seen. We quickly became friends and realized we had some things in common. Mainly a love for vodka and Clone High, and Vegas. Throughout our 4 years at THE Jesuit University of C-town we maintained our friendship b/c of our shared interests and also that we were both able to coast through school, maintaining good grades while not really ever studying (Thank you communications program). After graduation we kept our friendship going because in order to survive our work lives we needed to email each other (constantly)... So here we are now. Two friends, with varying opinions on pretty much everything but respect for the others thoughts... Plus on top of all that... we're hilarious (like really hilarious).

I think it might be the Comm. Majors in us, but we like to debate, and do so constantly and purposefully. We go to each other for advice and opinions knowing that they will more than likely be different from our own (don't try to deny it Mister "How can you watch the Jersey Shore?"). We hardly ever change each others' minds, but we always open the other's eyes. Meathead will probably never get me to fully understand just how amazing soccer is (supposedly), and there is probably little to no chance of him giving the Real Housewives of New Jersey the respect they deserve (but at least he kind of knows their names now).

....well maybe not their names but at least I know what "bubbies" means (obviously “bubbies” would stick in his head). As for soccer, come June you'll understand Goose. I challenge anyone to watch the world cup and not get caught up in everything that is good about Futbol, but that's for another time (blah, blah, blah).
Goose is right... Our opposing opinions have helped each other, mostly because if anyone else in the world told me maybe I was wrong about something I'd completely ignore and blow them off. I respect Goose's opinions. I mean anyone who "mixes their vodka with ice" can't be wrong too often. I am terrible with moderation (ditto) so we figured if some of us separately is good, more of us together should be amazing. At least in my mind.

So here is the important part for all of our lovely readers. Do you have questions? Need for an opinion from the opposite sex? Have a topic that is constantly debated that need resolution? With two serial monogamists with an expertise in alcohol, debauchery, Vegas, relationships, life in general..

...All of the above. You fashion. Me sports....

...We should have you covered. So, asked away… email, comment, tweet… whichever social media works for you!

Big Mac's special sauce

So, as many of you may already be aware of, Mark McGwire admitted that for ten years he used steroids, including the summer of 1998 when both he and Sammy Sosa captured the hearts of the America with their epic home run race. If you are surprised at all by this "revelation" then either A.) you are the antithesis of a baseball fan or B.) you have never seen a picture of the Mac Attack before 1990. In the so called Steroids Era if Mark McGwire isn't the cover boy then he's certainly in the pantheon with Barry and Sammy.
Now that we can look back on those years of overblown forearms and larger then life hat sizes people will shun those players who cheated and say shame shame. There is no doubt that these players tarnished the games record books, left question marks (no pun intended) on hall of fame votes and created a black eye on the "National Past time." As a baseball purist who grew up spending every sunny day playing the game and every snowy day practicing it in a field house, I can comfortably say that I know the game. I hate what steroids created. Yes, a 10-9 game is exciting but I'd much prefer a 3-2 game with great pitching and defense. Steroids or no steroids, offensive explosions will not win championships alone, just ask the mid-90s Cleveland Indians.

With that being said, I cannot say steroids ruined baseball or my love for it. In fact, it can be argued that they may have saved the game. If you take a moment to think about the summer of 1998 you may start to agree with me. Prior to that year baseball was in a rut. Still reeling from the strike of 1994 (mark my words it would've been a Cleveland-Montreal series) the league NEEDED something to boost interest and fill the seats. Mark and Sammy gave the league and the country that something. Despite all of the issues that steroids created in the last few years, they led to a summer and fall where every baseball fan will look back on and be forced to remember. Every night it was intriguing to see who would leave the yard and which player could catch Maris first.
To this day I can remember where I was when McGwire barely pulled a ball over the left field fence and was so excited rounding the bases that he initially missed first base. My parents family room, tongue burning from the far too hot Donato's mushroom pizza. I'll never forget that. Same goes for Bonds when he broke Aaron's record. The Pourhouse, little beer in hand. Yes I hate him and everything he stands for and to an extent the same goes for Big Mac but I will always remember getting chills watching both players celebrate as they jogged towards home plate, crowd on their feet in jubilation.
Love them or hate them but it was impossible to be apathetic towards these moments and truthfully, steroids created what baseball needed; A buzz. In the end, steroids will be nothing but a word said when discussing the olden times years from now. Much like the dead ball era, steroids will take it's place and never be forgotten and the same goes for the home runs they led to. The only real loser may be Cooperstown and the players who used the steroids themselves, for they may get to be immortalized in bronze there.