Time for the stunning conclusion to the list of guys I'd most like to drink with. Again, the rules being they have to be well know, real people, and alive. Therefore while I would love to drink with Wooderson from Dazed and Confused, Matthew McConaughey is a d-bag, so he's out. alright here we go:
John Kruck PBR He formerly of the fantastic mullet. Every sport has that commentator/announcer that just seems like a very real person. What you see is what you get. No smoke and mirrors with them. (the exact opposite would be Joe Buck) The man knows baseball, he ate hot dogs during an award show AND was a lifetime .300 hitter. Speaking of the man in every sport I'd most like to drink with...
John Madden Really bad Whiskey He's annoying, dumbs down football so everyone understands it ("If he throws the ball, and the other one catches it in the end zone...boom that's gonna be a touchdown") but he was probably the best announcer in football. Also, every Thanksgiving he eats a Turducken. "Here's a guy when he puts his contacts in he can see better!" Keeping with sports here...
Bob Wickman Milwakee's best For those of you who don't know Wick he was the Indian's closer for a few years. He weighed probably 400 pounds and threw all of 82 miles an hour. Among our college friends an aura was created around him because he seemed to gain wait every game. The running joke was to figure out what he ate before every outing. Sort of like a Bill Brasky thing... "Wickman ate 3 chipotle burrito's and then blew another save" which progressed to "Wickman ate 9 human babies before giving up a bomb to Thome."
The Pope Really good red wine No alter boy jokes here. Honestly I've always wanted to meet the Pope and just talk to him for a while. The entire church believes he's infallible and I wonder if that gets to his head. I always picture him in a constant state of prayer wearing uber-expensive clothes and a funny hat. I just really would love to hear his thoughts on everything going on in the world. Plus I bet he knows some hilarious Jew jokes. On world figures...
Barack Obama Budweiser This isn't political or anything, the President just seems like a very down to Earth guy. I'd love to talk sports with him and ask what other world leaders are total dick heads. I can imagine him being like "Sarkozy is absolutely full of himself, and he never showers, which is weird. I really do hate France, but don't tell any one."
Lewis Black and Jon Stewart Tanqueray and tonic Jon Stewart is honestly the best newscaster in America, and he delivers the news on COMEDY CENTRAL. He gets the best guests, is actually well respected and doesn't take himself too seriously. Lewis Black became really well known for his Back in Black segment on The Daily Show. I figure best chance of drinking with them would be to get em together. I would love to here them yelling about the economy and how stupid Fox News is. Also I would be hoping for Black's creepy finger pointing thing. Lil Wayne Robitussin I kid, but his love for cough syrup is well documented. As strange as he is, it can't be denied that Lil Wayne is a fantastic artist. Also he has a blog on ESPN.com which is very cool. If you listen to him talk for 30 seconds you just want to hear him talk forever. (see Delonte West) He writes songs faster then you can learn the lyrics to them and he just seems like he'd be hilarious to talk to. I'd probably say this is the least likely of any on this list to happen though. One more athlete, sort of...
John Daily John Daily's (Arnold Palmer's plus Vodka) You can't have a drinking list without the greatest drinker alive being on it. He wears fantastic pants, gets arrested drunk outside of Hooter's restaurants and can drive a ball further then you can drive your car. I don't know how this night would start but I know how it would end. Me, passed out naked on the 7th hole of a public golf course.
Alan Rickman Dirty Martini's I don't have a real reason for this other than he's one of my favorite actors. He was amazing in Robin Hood, creepy in Sweeney Todd, and oddly fatherly in Perfume. Not to mention everyone on the planet knows him as Snape in Harry Potter. Every movie he does I love and he continues to be in projects that are sure to be unbelievably mind blowing (see Alice in Wonderland).
John Malkovich Russian Vodka For the same reason for Alan Rickman, I just love John Malkovich. His range of characters is unbelievable. The first day I ever saw him in a movie I watched Of Mice and Men and Rounders. I watched him play Lennie Small and Teddy KGB in the same day. I was sold from then on. He has even made a movie about being inside his own head! I mean come on! Vant a cookie?
Dave Attell Jagermeister If you've ever watched a Dave Attell special you'll know why he's on this list. Every story he tells involves being incredibly drunk. He even had a comedy central late night show completely centered around his drinking! I also happen to think that he's one of the most underrated comedians around. But hey... that's just my opinion. last but not least...
Jeff Hoover Case of Natty, 6 dollar bottle of champagne, Bottle of Jameson, a round of Irish Car Bombs, and a 200 dollar tab at the bar Ok, so he's not famous, and by all liver standards he should be dead by now but for those of you who don't know Jeff... you should. Tucker Max thinks he has questionable morals. Jeff was my roommate for 3 ish years in college and to put it simply, deserves a medal for his drinking ability. The man took a year off to do nothing but drink. He woke up naked on the couch covered in Cheese Its and his public inappropriateness is legendary. I'd tell you that I look forward to drinking with him for years to come but I've got to believe his liver only has a few good years left. rest assured, he'll continue to push it anyway. God bless you Jeff Hoover.
So there it is. My list. Sure I may have left someone out and if I did feel free to let me know. Hope you enjoyed it. Time for a drink. Nastrovia, Lakim, Slainte!
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