stuck in the middle

I'm sitting here in my "Legal and Ethical Issues in Sport" class trying my best to pay attention and it's just not working (sorry mom and dad...) so I figured I'd try to do something semi-productive. I tried doing research for a project in said law class but that didn't go over so well. Therefore... on to blogging. After reading a couple of pretty good blogs (shout outs to come later) I realized that they were all writing about the same things. How and where would they be content. One moved to Chi-town with her friends and came back home, another is contemplating a move to the bright lights of Vegas, and the 3rd discuses the positives of being home. I've been mulling the big question of, "Where am I supposed to be in life?" and reading these three blogs didn't exactly clear anything up for me but they did provide some perspective.

It seems that my feelings of where I want to be vary greatly depending on my emotions and the goings on of the day. Ask me lately where I want to end up and I'll tell you Cleveland. The reasons being I haven't seen my family in forever and I miss them...incredibly. In the last month I've missed three birthdays, my nephew rolling over for the first time, and sadly, a death in the extended family. Missing these things would be hard for anyone but especially someone who talks to their family just about every day. My family truly are my best friends and it's so hard not seeing them on a consistent basic. My apartment basically being a shrine of family pictures doesn't exactly lessen the homesickness. (thank you, Alex) It's hard because lately all I want to do is spend Sunday afternoons at my parents house with the family eating way too much food and pretending to still be little kids... while playing with little kids.

That being said, if you asked me where I think I should live after talking to Goose or coming back from Vegas I'd say a big city. I get the feeling from time to time that I'd prefer not to be a big fish in a small pond but rather try to become an ample fish in a gigantic pond. From time to time I want the challenge to see if I could do more then survive but rather thrive in places where the lights shine the brightest. However, after a few days this will start to fade and I'll realize that maybe the size of the pond doesn't matter much so long as you just keep swimming.

Thus we reach my current situation: Cincinnati. I choose Xavier because it has a great Sports Administration program but, honestly, I also ended up here because IT WAS a little further from home. I needed the challenge. To move some where that I knew absolutely no one and start from scratch. I've created a great circle of friends, obtained a job and an internship, and, thus far, I'm staying afloat in my classes. The weather is decent (still get all four seasons), the area is very interesting, and I've networked enough to possibly obtain a job when I'm finished with the program. All of these positives and yet I hesitate to call this place home past December. Perhaps it's all the Bengals fans and everyone saying, "Y'all" but I digress. I continue to find myself quite literally stuck in the middle. I don't know if I want to be close to home, in a big city, or somewhere in between.

After all this contemplating and reading my close friends thoughts I came up with absolutely nothing. The point, though, is that might not be such a bad thing. The biggest thing to remeber when making a move or a "big change" is that it doesn't have to be permanent. Life is about the journey and all that jazz. In my circumstance my family will always be my family and we'll remain close regardless of if I live 20 minutes or 20 hours away. I have no idea what the future holds after next winter. Here's what I do know... I get to see my family Easter weekend, Baseball and the World Cup start soon, and I'll be here until at least December. The rest if completely up in the air but I'm learning that that too, is ok.

You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you will be the guy who'll decide where you'll go. Oh the places you'll go.

~Dr. Seuss~

Special thanks to Goose, Jay, and Emily for the inspiration.

Check them out at allegedlyfff.blogspot.com (Goose), socksnotfamous.blogspot.com (Jay) and girlinamansworld.blogspot.com (Emily)

Thanks again guys!

adam.